The Konoha Bar
by rhcpftw
Summary: A normal day in the Ninja Bar. Here we see our favorite characters getting drunk and getting into heated arguments with one another. What madness will ensue here?


**The Konoha Bar**

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fanfic written for entertainment purposes only. Masashi Kishimoto and TV Tokyo own the rights to Naruto. Please support the official release.

Content: This story contains some strong language and makes fun of things like sexism and stereotypes. This does not mirror my views so please do not be offended. This is written solely for teh lulz.

*Table 1 - Hiruzen, Hashirama, Tobirama and Madara*

Hiruzen: I knew it would pay off to bring my ninja-chair to the bar

Madara: Your what? What makes that a ninja chair?

Hiruzen: Duh? I'm a ninja, sitting in my own ninja-chair, and I carried it all the way from my ninja-apartment to the ninja-bar

Madara: I think you're overusing the wo...

Tobirama: My ninja-fluff-armor is so damn cozy...

Madara: I knew you Senju were idiots but...

Hashirama: NINJA-TOAST!

Madara: Sweet mother of mercy...

Hashirama: Hey Madara, we're ninja-buddies now, right?

Madara: Fuck you.

Hashirama: The ninja-best!

***Table 2 - Orochimaru and Kabuto***

Orochimaru: You know, I just thought of something...

Kabuto (dreamingly): What, my Lord?

Orochimaru: The Sage of the Six Paths must have been one giant dick.

Kabuto: How so, sir?

Orochimaru: Well think about it: He invented all the jutsu, correct? It's safe to assume he also named them. He was also the only one we know of who possessed the legendary Rinnegan. All its related jutsu have awesome, killer names, while we're stuck with all the other, lame jutsu. Tell me, what was that Sai boy's jutsu called?

Kabuto: Ninja Art: Super Beast Scroll?

Orochimaru: Aaaah-hahaha...anyway, point proven. Not only that, but he's also sort of responsible for the whole Senju-Uchiha-murdering-each-other-business. Why did he need to choose a successor? A successor for what? What did he do?

Kabuto: Well...he was supposed to bring peace to the world I guess.

Orochimaru: Well whoopie-f*ckin'-do, that worked out well.

Kabuto: Speaking of working out well...why do jutsu have names anyway?

Orochimaru: Well...why wouldn't they? We have to shout out the name of the technique we want to use.

Kabuto: Why? I mean...we're ninjas. Aren't we supposed to be stealthy...?

Orochimaru:...It's like I don't even know you anymore, man.

***Table 3 - Itachi and Minato***

Itachi: Imposshiblu!

Minato: Pay up, I won our fight.  
_  
Itachi's thoughts: This would never have happened if this was a contest based on fan arguments..._

Itachi: How? How can you drink sho much more than I?

Minato: Simple - You're based on the average Japanese dream. Tall, good-looking, skilled and mysterious. A recurring theme in most anime and manga. However, you therefore also inherit their weaknesses, like a ridiculous intolerance to alcohol.

I am, however, based on western idolization of Westerners. Blonde, blue-eyed and beautiful.

Itachi: You make the Japaneshe shound horribly average and petty...

Minato: Not at all, but we're both subjects of the typical manga romance portrayal. Let's see here...Ah, there. *Points at Sasuke and Naruto*

Itachi: What about'em?

Minato: Typical man in manga number one *points at Sasuke* - cold-hearted prick who gets all the women even though he doesn't care. I do not why this is so popular, or hell, even credible when all my experiences sort of point in the opposite direction, anyway.

Itachi: Hey...

Minato: Number 2 *points at Naruto* - The dolt who doesn't notice how desperately a girl wants her, even though she could get any guy she wants.

Itachi: Ishn't that...y'know...your son?

Minato: And finally, me...the 100% fan-service and the male version of Hinata.

Itachi: Sho...you think I'm a cold-hearted bastard...

Minato: Oh don't go all Uchiha on me...

***Table 4 - Hinata, Sakura, Mei, Tsunade, Ino, Tenten***

Everyone: We should do something of importance!

*All the other tables laugh loudly*

Madara: Please...just get back to the kitchen...

***The End***


End file.
